The Art of Collecting Plastic Grocery Bags

by Sep 20, 2021News0 comments

I remember the first time I saw a plastic bag collection under someone’s sink. There was something so fascinating about it–this beautiful shiny object containing more balled-up shiny objects. It was one of those moments that you’ll never forget, like when you see your crush for the first time or when you find out your parents are getting divorced.

Some call it trash. However, those are uncivilized people that must not be trusted. Those that appreciate the beauty contained within a plastic bag collection know it is much more valuable than its weight in gold.

In fact, many people have been known to sell their collections for exorbitant amounts of money on eBay or Craigslist. I once heard about a woman who sold her balled-up plastic bags online and made enough money to send her kids to college–eight times.

The art of collecting used plastic grocery bags by throwing them unceremoniously into one bag is an important skill. All civilized people must have at least one collection of balled-up plastic bags under their sink or in a cabinet at least 10 feet from the kitchen.

You may not think it now, but one day when your wife leaves you for someone younger and hotter (hey–don’t blame her), all those balled-up grocery sacks will provide some comfort. I know what I’m talking about! When my daughter dropped out her sophomore year at Harvard to become an actress in LA, that bag full of dirty grocery sacks under my sink helped.

Maybe someday she’ll need money for rent or groceries–not anything extravagant, mind you. Just basic stuff like milk and bread…in fact, perhaps even a private jet. Who knows? No big deal.

Anyway, suppose you want to know more about collecting used plastic grocery bags. In that case, I’m putting together a guide, so check back on my website soon! In fact, set a reminder for a month from now.

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