All content on Cornell Archives is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting, and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and fictitious narration. All news articles contained within cornellarchives.com are fiction and presumably fake news. Therefore, all news articles within this site are works of fiction, constitute fake news, and are for entertainment.
Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and celebrities, in which case they are based on real people but still based almost entirely in fiction. No one should take the information given from this site thoughtfully.