Shaquille O’Neal is the king of grilled cheese sandwiches. Shaq is in the cellar right now, in fact, making grilled cheeses for upcoming weeks. Be grateful – he wants to share! Shaquille O’Neal can do things with grilled cheeses that you and I cannot imagine.

To make a grilled cheese sandwich sublime, one must seek out the finest ingredients possible. Shaq knows this well and procures a multitude of cultured cheeses from around the world in his own cellar (but only ones he really loves). In addition to fine international cheeses, Shaquille O’Neal also keeps fresh white bread on hand at all times. These are very special occasions when he makes sandwiches for himself and guests alike.

It is a little-known fact that Shaq is a grilled cheese connoisseur. He is on record as saying that he “lives and breathes” them. Does this make Shaquille O’Neal a good cook? No, it does not. But there’s one thing I’ve learned about great men – they don’t have to cook well as long as they can melt cheese on bread. Now that’s attractive!

Shaquille O’Neal is the only man I know who eats grilled cheese sandwiches with a knife and fork alongside a glass of milk. He often takes Polaroids of his favorite creations and hangs them up in his cellar.

Grilled cheese sandwiches are a very personal thing for Shaquille O’Neal. Personal relationships and legal disputes can be solved by going to his cellar and making a grilled cheese sandwich that isn’t as good as those made by other people. His favorite activity while eating is watching himself in the mirror; because nobody looks as happy as he does.

If this sounds like an exaggeration, you’re in for a treat. Shaquille O’Neal likes grilled cheese sandwiches so much that he is willing to share them with those around him at any cost or inconvenience. Shaq once drove from his home in Los Angeles to Rhode Island with grilled cheese sandwiches in his pocket. He planned on gifting his creations to friends on the east coast but was found unconscious after eating too many grilled cheese sandwiches.

Shaq won’t share those grilled cheese sandwich recipes, however. You’d have better luck asking him why dogs lick their “what’s it’s” than extract grilled cheese sandwich recipes from Shaq.

Nonetheless, I am going to present you with the best grilled cheese sandwich recipe ever conceived by man (or Shaq):

Generate funny grilled cheese recipe

Pour some grilled cheese sandwich filling on one slice of grilled cheese sandwich bread. Put the other grilled cheese sandwich bread on top, and enjoy!